What makes a (BDSM) heroine memorable?

This question can make for heated arguments among romance authors. Some point to her strength in terms of physical prowess, others look at her emotional fortitude, while others say her strength is in her nurturing qualities. These arguments can become especially vehement when the subjects of discussions are BDSM Dommes.

I think of the heroine with unusual physical prowess as Superwoman. She can best her man at any contest while simultaneously being Supermom or Super-executive or both. Some authors refer to this physically dominating heroine as “feisty” or “spirited”. You’d think she would be the perfect Domme in a BDSM piece, but that’s not true for me, at least with the Dommes I’ve written or read about.

The Mistresses who stick in my mind are ones with the emotional strength to give their partners the direction they need, even though they may incidentally exhibit physical prowess in affecting the submission. They are able to assume a dominant role whether in a club, in bed or even in a business or social setting when their partners need their strength and direction.

They are also nurturers, motivated to provide their submissives with the support they need to achieve pleasure and—more important—a sense of self-worth and purpose.

To me, the most memorable Dommes are ones who combine the emotional fortitude and nurturing qualities in a way that makes them sympathetic. The best Dommes are playing a role that fulfills a need in their lovers, not one in which maintaining or increasing their power over partners is their primary goal.

Looking back on some of the wonderful BDSM stories I’ve read, I’m fairly sure that the Dommes who have stayed in my mind are ones whose authors made them sympathetic, complex, and most of all well-motivated for the role they take in their sexual relationships. Like male Doms, they never want to mete out more pain than the one they love needs to achieve satisfaction. They never act out of anger or the desire for revenge.

I don’t often write female Dominants in my own BDSM books, not because I don’t care for Dommes as heroines but because I find myself more understanding of the female submissive—the woman who may be incredibly strong in her everyday life but who needs to relinquish control to her partner in sexual relationships. To me, a memorable submissive woman grants unconditional trust to her partner only when he has shown himself worthy of that trust—and she becomes his sex slave while retaining control of other facets of her life.

I’m more into the psychological aspects of dominance and submission than the physical ones. I want to understand what makes the characters, particularly the heroines of BDSM stories, tick. I hope readers find my books reveal who each heroine is and give readers an idea of why she is as she is.

I’d love to hear comments about BDSM books (mine or those by other authors) whose heroines have touched your hearts as well as titillating your senses!